If self healing isn’t working as well as you’d like, try leveraging others. I have found that even with all the introspection, journaling, and reading the latest books (& blogs), I was still in need of others to support my healing and recovery process.
Many of us have been taught to cry and suffer alone and come out “strong” to face the world. This just didn’t work for me. Of course, the deep diving self healing can be good AND I found myself many times stuck in a mental loop with no clear way out or I would ‘let the voices get in’ that prevent healing and stall out progress.
I also found that with my own specific beliefs and perceptions about my situation, I could create my own self contained world of doubt, negative thoughts, and have a whole heap of fun playing merry-go-round with those. What I needed was to get off the ride and check-in with my trusted conductor and say “are YOU making my head spin or is it ME”? Just because we’re introspecting certainly doesn’t mean we’re actually healing. Our mind is a place we can get lost in…
It’s like when your favorite song gets stuck in your head and that’s all you can hear and think about. Now picture the tune to be something catchy but feeding the goblins of self doubt and cynicism, especially with repetition.
The obvious risk here is having that lack of exit strategy I mentioned earlier. Without any opposing thoughts, pattern breaking questions, or the check-in with the conductor, your thoughts can stay as they are and including not evolving them (and not healing as a result of it).
You’re well to the point by now savvy folks…find that most trusted advisor in your life. Most of us don’t have many of these well-decorated soldiers that have been through battle with us but only one is needed. If you’re unsure about how trustworthy your advisor is then test the waters with small stuff before jumping right in to open your kimono.
If that doesn’t work (and if you’re not already), shop around for a professional soldier to join your battle and I definitely emphasize shop. Like all relationships, we don’t all fit together well and it’s definitely not always conducive to spatter your news on the Daily Planet. Find a good counselor or therapist that actually feels like a trusted advisor.
I hear from people often that have tried a counselor, coach, therapist etc. and say never again. They’ve had an experience where they didn’t connect with the person and felt it was a waste of time. Fortunately, I have experienced and heard from many that it took a couple people but once you find the right one you know. A dear friend has told me, “a good therapist is worth their weight in gold”.
If you find the darkness to be your comrade, perhaps you’ve been on the ride too long and the search for an advisor is the best way out.