Let me preface by saying this is difficult to capture, as there are so many components to the events and it was a highly emotional time in my life.  I’ll make the attempt…

Very early in my Air Force career, I had some setbacks, later realized as major lessons to build from.  My first AF supervisor was absolutely awful and to say toxic would objectively be an understatement.  While deployed with her just after 9/11, she started telling my commander and anyone who would listen (including my husband), that I was messing around with other Airmen.  She also accused me of insubordination because she tried to make me sign documents accusing me of doing all sorts of insane acts.  Upon refusal to sign, she simply stopped talking to me and only talked with my commander, putting an even larger wedge between he and I.  At one point, she literally said if I didn’t sign-off on the false accusations she could have my son taken away from me- bullying at its finest!  I found myself not eating, not sleeping, and my only comfort was smoking small cigars on shift breaks.

My career was everything and what I needed to support my young family, I was the provider and what you would consider gung-ho and truly passionate about the military.  However, this situation was one of my lowest points; I was unbelievably anxious to lose my marriage, my son, my career, pretty much everything I had worked for and almost anyone who had rank over me was looking at me cross-eyed in disgust.   No matter how much I proclaimed my innocence, rank seemed to be the deciding factor for many above me in positions of influence over my career (leaving me in the hot seat and on thin-ice) and it was that way for quite some time…  

Months later, after our return from deployment, our squadron discovered that my boss was pregnant (8 months at the time because she wore a large gortex jacket every day to hide it) and then told everyone she lost the baby at birth.  No matter what she had done, hearts were breaking for her for months, including mine.  She spoke of the funeral and burial and accepted gifts and food from everyone around her.  Within a couple of months, she had moved-on to a higher level position on base to finish out her AF career.

Here’s where the karmic turn takes place… the baby was found later to be a lovechild from the aforementioned deployment and her husband could not have children.  (Hmmm, sounds like someone was fooling around and trying to put the spotlight on me to distract others…)  It was also discovered that she did not lose the child at birth as described, she gave the child away for adoption (without the other BS this could’ve been an admirable act).  I should mention that prior to this discovery her husband was bitter and knew of some of the turmoil I was put through and actually sought me out to provide me with with the proof to “expose” her…I honestly cannot write this stuff on my own—it’s nuts!  I chose not to expose her but thought let’s see how this turns-out.  Believe me, I mulled it around for a while; the revenge might feel good but then the fall-out is on me, back and forth…and finally said, if she goes down it won’t be on my hands. 

During this time of not working for her, I had worked hard at restoring my reputation and it was only due to my next supervisor giving me at least an ear to explain my side of things, that I found a decent standing among the ranks.  One of our first conversations together he simply asked me, “what the hell has been going on with you”?  This was magic to my ears, to actually be asked was incredibly refreshing.  I explained everything and actually felt trusted, this shift would change me forever and guide me towards my second and current dream career.  (The craziness continues in Part 2…coming soon!)

Categories: Confidence, Love, Self Esteem, Self ManagementTags: Confidence, Karma, Love, military